JFK, Robinho and Titus
30/06/09 19:37 Filed in: Football
So that’s it then, another season is over.
Finally the Champions League Final and the FA Cup Final and the World Cup Qualifiers and the Confederations Cup and the U21 Championship are out of the way and we can all lie back and bathe in a big steamy vat of transfer ‘gossip’ for a few weeks and start thinking about what next season might bring.
Unfortunately there’s only one person in the world can accurately predict the future and he’s rather busy at the moment appearing on TV News shows. Therefore instead of looking forward, LLO brings you a list of ten events from the 2008-09 season which you’d have been burnt alive for predicting last June.
1. JFK getting a job managing a Premiership team
2. Robinho signing for Man City
3. Liverpool and Chelsea playing a match in the Champions League which is an exciting goalfest
4. Ryan Giggs winning PFA Player of The Year award
5. Fulham finishing in a UEFA Cup place in the league
6. Real Madrid signing Kaka AND Christiano Ronaldo
7. Titus Bramble looking like a competent professional footballer
8. Spurs first choice strike partnership being Keane and Defoe
9. Big Phil ending the season managing a team in Uzbekistan
10. The human brain being able to design a football kit which looks like this
Finally the Champions League Final and the FA Cup Final and the World Cup Qualifiers and the Confederations Cup and the U21 Championship are out of the way and we can all lie back and bathe in a big steamy vat of transfer ‘gossip’ for a few weeks and start thinking about what next season might bring.
Unfortunately there’s only one person in the world can accurately predict the future and he’s rather busy at the moment appearing on TV News shows. Therefore instead of looking forward, LLO brings you a list of ten events from the 2008-09 season which you’d have been burnt alive for predicting last June.
1. JFK getting a job managing a Premiership team
2. Robinho signing for Man City
3. Liverpool and Chelsea playing a match in the Champions League which is an exciting goalfest
4. Ryan Giggs winning PFA Player of The Year award
5. Fulham finishing in a UEFA Cup place in the league
6. Real Madrid signing Kaka AND Christiano Ronaldo
7. Titus Bramble looking like a competent professional footballer
8. Spurs first choice strike partnership being Keane and Defoe
9. Big Phil ending the season managing a team in Uzbekistan
10. The human brain being able to design a football kit which looks like this
England vs Germany Under 21 Final - The Last 15 Minutes
29/06/09 09:39 Filed in: Football
21.16 2-0 down, fifteen minutes left, what do you do? Let's hope Stuart Pearce has got the answers.
21.17 Wagner misses from one yard out. Could be the turning point. Probably won't be.
21.18 Micah Richards is going up front. What a bizarre move, it's the final of a major tournament and we're resorting to putting the big man defender upfront. Surely we should have another real forward to fill in.
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21.17 Wagner misses from one yard out. Could be the turning point. Probably won't be.
21.18 Micah Richards is going up front. What a bizarre move, it's the final of a major tournament and we're resorting to putting the big man defender upfront. Surely we should have another real forward to fill in.
Read More...
Rapping Footballer Of The Day
Clint Dempsey may have been a loser in the Confederations Cup final tonight but surely gaining the LLO gong for being the Premiership's best MC will more than make up for that.
Deuce, we salute you.
Low-Life Opinions Jack Nicholson Truthometer 2000
27/06/09 11:20 Filed in: Football
We live in crazy and uncertain times. We're constantly being bombarded with information from a thousand difference sources telling us a million different things. Unfortunately our simple brains aren't as advanced as Googles algorithms and so are unable to process all the data they receive and calculate what we should believe and what we should throw into our cerebral recycle bins.
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The Sun Will Already Be Consulting Their 'Bumper Book of Anti-German Headlines'
26/06/09 11:23 Filed in: Football
Isn't it marvelous when something turns out to be much better than you expected it to be? Think John Barnes when he signed for Liverpool, think the American version of The Office, think Mars Planets chocolates and think tonight's Sweden vs England semi-final of the Under 21 European Championships. Read More...
LLO Record of The Week: The Future Will Come by The Juan MacLean
25/06/09 12:23 Filed in: Music
Isn't it marvelous when something turns out to be much better than you expected it to be? Think John Barnes when he signed for Liverpool, think the American version of The Office, think Mars Planets chocolates and think the second album by The Juan MacLean.
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Ropey Puppet-Based Comedy
24/06/09 14:02 Filed in: Football
Somewhere out there there's a man who loves Gaelic football, UFC and ropey puppet-based comedy who's wondering how he's going to fill his spare time over the coming months because today Setanta followed ITV Sport to the big EPG in the sky. Few tears are being shed at LLO Towers, we tried to cancel our subscription with the channel last year and discovered it was easier and less painful to get out of the Mafia than to cancel your contract with the UK's yellowest sports channel.
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What if becoming a pastry bust is as good as it gets?
23/06/09 14:05 Filed in: Football
Owen Coyle must currently be haunted by one chilling thought: "What if becoming a pastry bust is as good as it gets?" Read More...
Great Angry Goal Celebrations #459
22/06/09 14:07 Filed in: Football
David Villa. South Africa vs Spain. 20th June 2009
He gets extra "Angry Points" for nearly falling over after he kicks the corner flag before managing to regain his composure in a split second.
The Longest Fully Automated Rail System In The World
21/06/09 14:09 Filed in: Football
In the “Bumper Michael Owen Sale Brochure - Summer 2009” the made-of-cornflakes England striker denies the rumour that he travels to work each day in a helicopter. However he fails to mention that he spends most afternoons after training flying tourists around Dubai while giving a hypnotically monotonous running commentary. Read More...
Carlos has never asked for any money
20/06/09 14:12 Filed in: Football
"I think it's obviously all about the money,” said Lou Macari, a man who gave 95% of the cash he earned during his playing career to orphanages and who now on appears on Sky Sports News only if they agree to donate his appearance fee to various charities which help ageing disabled polar bears. Read More...